Perfectionism

Perfectionism is a trait that can lead us down roads of healthy and unhealthy behaviors. When done in an unhealthy manner, perfectionism can lead to unrealistic standards and expectations, and all the distress that follows. When done in a healthy sense, it can lead to increased sense of self-drive and motivation, pushing you towards success. When perfectionism tips too far on the scale to an unhealthy level, the pressure to succeed and remain perfect reaches an unattainable level.

Perfectionist might set unrealistic goals and expectations for themselves and other people. Judgements and constructive criticisms become overwhelming. Perfectionism is a common trait seen in various mental health disorders such as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Anxiety disorders.

When peeling back the layers of perfectionism, we see an impossible reality. That no one who has existed has accomplished 100% perfectionism. The strive for this unattainable goals leads to the unhealthy outcomes. Low self esteem, anxiety, depression, disordered eating and suicidal thoughts that can manifest from the pursuit of unhealthy perfectionism.

Healthy perfectionism or perfectionist tendencies can be seen in a different light. I might have goals of striving for excellence, or have high standards for myself. My dedication for my work may be higher, I might value personal achievements to a different degree than others. Hard work and dedication. These tendencies, while not done compulsively can be positive traits to hold, and for some to be a strength. That my goal for my perfectionist tendencies is not based in external pressure that I “must” be perfect. Rather I prefer these standards and the standards I put towards myself do not negatively impact my functioning. With the external pressure and rigid or all or nothing thinking behind my perfectionism, the scale starts to tip in the direction of becoming unhealthy. While it is walking a fine line between healthy and unhealthy levels, being mindful and aware of this balance is the first step.

How to let go of perfectionism?

In therapy, treatment plan development around perfectionism might look like building in aspects of acceptance, forgiveness and letting go of control/judgements. Being able to be aware of our thoughts, and to see when the judgments or unrealistic standards come into our head. To be aware of these thoughts without acting on them. Goals may aim at being more present and mindful in the moment, to build in aspects of self compassion. Learning how to be compassionate to ourselves when we make mistakes or don’t reach those perfectionism standards. Our positive self talk can challenge the negative, irrational thoughts that manifest themselves so easily. Being able to strip away judgements and to replace them with more positive, realistic thoughts.

Perfectionism and OCD:

Obsessions of perfectionism we see within OCD:

• Fears of making mistakes.

• Fears of consequences

• Behaviors that have to adhere to certain rules or standards.

• Things need to be “just right”

• Worrying about what others may think about me or my work

Compulsions of perfectionism we see within OCD:

• Repetitive behaviors

• Re doing work

• Checking behaviors

• Just right behaviors

• Seeing reassurance

• Avoidance

• Avoidance of making decisions

These perfectionism compulsions within the OCD cycle are done in efforts to stop the obsessions and get that short term relief. Perfectionism standards in an unhealthy manner look to take away our functioning. I might see a negative impact on functioning in my relationships, at work, or with my self care. Whether you are struggling with perfectionism within OCD or not, the right therapy is available to challenge and change the relationship we hold with these thoughts. If any of the examples in this blog had stood out to you, please feel free to reach out and schedule a consultation. I would love to hear from you and offer my support to help you learn how to deal with perfectionism on your own. In therapy, you can learn the particular skills and insight into managing these unhealthy traits on your own.

Statistics of OCD:

• Over the past year (2023) 1.2% of US adults had OCD, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

• OCD affects 1 in 40 adults in the United States

• People with OCD spend at least 1 hour day on their obsessions and compulsions